Wednesday, April 15, 2009


If you have a chance to watch the youtube video, please do so. It sets the tone for today's entry. Confessions. To see confessions, click on one of the moms.

I have so many confessions, I don't know where to begin. My first daughter was born colicky. Right out of the gate, screaming non-stop. I remember shuffling my sore ass down the hall to see her in the nursery. All the babies were lined up like little burritos. And then mine. Alone in the corner screaming her head off. The nurse was panicking, pointing to her, mouthing to me from the other side of the glass, "IS THIS ONE YOURS?!" I just stared at her and wondered how I could start walking backwards, back to the safety of my room. I mean, she's trained in this shit and she's panicking? I couldn't even hold down a steady babysitting gig when I was a kid. There was no way in hell I could handle this situation. I walked in, preparing for the battle. Over the screaming, I couldn't hear what the nurse was saying, but I think it was along the lines of, "I don't get paid enough for this shit."

Five months of screaming, ladies. Every day. All day. I prayed for something like a "welcome colic" basket to arrive at my home, complete with ear plugs, headphones and a recording of white noise. That doesn't exist.

We actually had another baby after surviving the colicky cherub. Here's my journal entry dated 9/27/02:

Holy shit. Stay at home moms have the most damn thankless job on the planet. All day I pick up shit that Parker spills or throws all over the house, then I clean up the shitty diapers, go to the store to get diapers to catch the shit. All day Parker asks for a sippy of juice. I say, "No", then she asks for it 1 million more times until it's actually a meal time and she can have it. Then laundry...fuck, it's neverending. There are clothes EVERYWHERE. I put away clothes for about an hour today. Jackets, socks, pants, jammies...what the fuck? How many outfits are my family members wearing in one day?? Then the crying and whining. Like right now for example, Paige is wailing and Parker wants me to put on a shirt that she keeps taking off. I told her she shouldn't take off her clothes in the first place and now she's whining and Paige is still screaming. How the fuck am I remaining sane right now? You know how I keep it together? Parker will look at me and smile or give me a hug and I melt again. Paige will give me her gummy, toothless smile and I forget about the bawling. Ah, being a mom. One minute you're a fucking insane mess, the next, you're June goddamn Cleaver.

So I've been there. You're not alone and you're not a bad mom. I'm here, you're here. We're in this together. If you have stories you'd like to share, you can do it here or email me at I'm currently writing a book and would love to hear what moms have to say!

Daily comic relief is on the bottom of the page. Today is dedicated to all the cougars out there. Beware of the muffin tops, ladies.

Moms of colicky babies, I'm here to support you. Feel free to email me for tips to help soothe your baby.


  1. Julie C. AndersonApril 15, 2009 at 4:47 PM


    Awesome!!! You made me laugh out loud! It's amazing to me that the minute you leave one stage of motherhood most of the bad memories are masked in a blanket of denial...only to be uncovered with the commiseration of girlfriends and with liberal lubrication of margaritas. Thank goodness us women have one another!

    And about those confessions? I think mine would need to be made anonymously!

    I can't wait to read more!
    *I'm the one always wearing a wife beater (tucked in, of course) with the dual purpose of hiding my crack AND my muffin top. And yes, my fashion tips are free! HAHA!

  2. Raz- You are hysterical! Women have been silenced for far too long about these kinds of days. So glad you could share your adventures and how you dealt with all the "shit". Makes the rest of feel normal :) Keep it going I can't wait for the book! -Tracey

  3. Kelly Sue

    You really have the gift of writing. I didn't knew you swore so much! haha
    I am no gym fact I usually change in my own home as my last experience in the "Ladies?" (i question this because i can't believe and actual lady would do this) anyhoo..i was in the ladies locker room and this gal comes out of the shower and bends over for all to view her parts and dries off and then proceeds to the counter..where the sinks are and rests her bush on it as she puts on her effing makeup. Ahhh...don't little kids rest theirs little chins on this counter?
    All i can say is that made me never want to go in there again.

    The confessions: I will have to think about that...i just know that time goes by to damn fast and i can't catch up!
    All of a sudden i am looking at my face and am thinking..."How much is a face lift and when did this happen?"

    Can't wait to see more entries


  4. I just got done reading your blog and loved first blog reading ever! Getting inside your head may scare me a little but somehow very intriging (your head swears a lot...I love it...I'm not the only one)!

    As far a confessions, unfortunately I have no filter so everything has already spilled out!

  5. I lie to the moms in my play group about feeding my kids healthy fresh organic foods.. They really eat ramen some nights.

  6. LOVE, LOVE, LOVE hearing from you!

    You make me laugh! I'm enjoying having you as "co-writers". It's liberating to hear from other women!

    Go forth and know that you put smiles on more than 1,000 women out there reading this blog.

    And KEEP IT COMING! Be a "postaholic" - we love it.