Thursday, April 16, 2009

Dishing The Dirt On Single Moms (Or Wives With Traveling Husbands)

Here's a shout out to single moms. I think there should be a superhero cape made for y'all. It could say something to the effect of, "I Kick Ass 24/7". Actually, all moms could rock that cape.

Back to single moms. When the hubbs travels, I am overwhelmed by the fact that I am the only parent working the kid shift. I don't even know CPR, so I tend to feed them non-choking items all week until the hubbs returns. Applesauce, soup, Ritz crackers, shredded cheese...you get the idea. No hot dogs, chicken, cheese cubes. Not on my shift.

And there's a reason for it. Mayhem always seems to occur when I'm solo. One time, Paige fell out of the main floor window and Parker fell into a pond. I am WATCHING them, ladies. And shit still hits the fan.

There was the time when I was walking out of Target with Parker and realized I left Paige in the cart. That time, I was in fact, NOT watching the children. But that happened only once.

Journal entry dated 6/2/05:

Exhausted. Derek is traveling, so with every noise, I get up and make sure that a psychotic man isn't waiting somewhere in the house with an ax plotting to murder us. I honestly don't know what I'd do, strangle him with my bathrobe belt? I'm not even armed with a bat. It's ridiculous. I'm checking behind curtains, under tables and in closets.

Is there a condition called Paranoid OCD? Because I think I catch it when Derek travels. I'm turning locks like Dustin Hoffman in "Rain Man." Over and over again. Lock, unlock. Lock, unlock. Then I stare at it for a good 15 seconds to make sure there's not someone on the other side trying to get in. Everyone else in the world is addicted to cool things like alcohol, cigarettes, and shopping. I'm addicted to locks. What an idiot.

All week, daycare has reminded me to bring their tennis shoes and socks. This isn't going to happen because my evenings are soaked up by soccer, baths, grocery shopping, nebulizer treatments, cooking,...blah, blah, blah. I doubt I'll remember the tennis shoes and socks tomorrow and by the way, who gives a crap if they wear sandals all day? What, the shoe police will arrest my kids?

So there you have it. Single moms, wives of traveling husbands, wives of husbands that are non-participatory, partners that live together but not married but one of you works nights...this one is for you. If I could send flowers to each of you, I would. Just to say, "Thanks for not going postal even though it would probably feel great and release a truckload of tension."

Give yourselves a well-deserved Atta Girl and know that you completed one more day of the hardest job on earth. Motherhood.

1 comment:

  1. Great job Kelly!! I know those days well :) I'll raise my glass to all those mom's who do do this 24/7/365...they really are super hero's. Can't wait to read more! Becky

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