Monday, May 18, 2009


We were at McDonalds yesterday for breakfast and I spilled coffee on my daughter. Luckily, the coffee was doused with a million creamers and had been sitting there for 30 minutes. Her legs are fine, thank God.

I wish I could say this was the only time I've ever fucked up, but I can't. My oldest is still talking about how I dumped her out of a golf cart in my parents retirement community.

What makes this story excruciatingly shameful is that I didn't notice for about 25 feet. All of a sudden I looked over and said to my youngest, "Where's your sister?" She said, "Oh, she fell out back there."

Like people falling out of our cart happens every fucking day. It frightens me a bit that she saw her sister dump out of the cart and chose not to say anything. Did she think we'd get to the pool and I wouldn't notice that a human being was missing? I'm guessing she was simply overjoyed with the thought that she'd be an only child.

Back to the scene of the accident, we had the mandatory judgemental onlookers. All of whom were over the age of 70. Shaking their heads asking what kind of mother dumps her child out of a golf cart.

You see people, as with every accident, I'm already swimming in a shameful pool of guilt. I don't need the clucking of tongues and the nodding of heads.

I want to pull my body into itself until I'm the size of acorn, but I can't because I need to tend to my hurt child. In front of people judging my existence as a mother.

After any kind of accident, I lie awake all night playing the "What if?" game, which drives me certifiably insane.

Then I remind myself that shit happens with my husband too. Like the time he steamrolled our youngest daughter while doing the limbo at a neighbor's Halloween party. After coming up from under the bar, he couldn't catch his footing and went sailing into our 4 year old Cinderella. He left the party in shame and embarrassment.

Apparently, there is no getting through this journey of motherhood without a scratch on our babies. I'd like to put them in safe, plastic bubbles, but that's not possible. They would have no friends. And I'd have to clean the damn bubbles, which I'm not doing.


  1. LOVE this one!! Love it. Once, when Frank was about 3, we were in a hurry eating breakfast and I threw a plate of donut holes at him - with the "HURRY UP AND EAT YOUR BREAKFAST!" going in full force.

    He responded by crying hysterically and saying, "But Mommy, I don't WANT the ants on them."

    Apparently, the donut holes had attracted ants overnight and I didn't notice ants in the container in my haste to get the day going.

    Oops. That was one of my best Good Mom moments."

  2. OMG I love this.
    Last week we took our kids out to dinner with us and the youngest (1 yr old) fell asleep on the way there. I decided to bring the entire car seat in with us and let her sleep. Since we were on the patio they had plastic lawn type chairs. I settled her into the chair and then went behind it to pull the straps around (strapping it to the chair) I yanked just a little too hard and my 1 yr old and her car seat went flying onto the floor. EVERYONE in the entire place was looking at me like I threw her down on the ground, even my husband. LOL I am sure she will remember it because some jackass took pictures of the seat face down on the ground and then proceeded to take pictures of the big ass goose egg on her forehead!

  3. HAHAHAHAHAHA...I laughed out loud. Actually, I'm still laughing.

    Seriously, who on earth would take pictures? OMG.