Friday, May 8, 2009


I'm not a good flyer. It's not only that I fear flying, but I always seem to make such an ass of myself.

During one trip with my sisters we were sitting nicely, waiting for the doors to close and take off.

Then I panicked and thought I left my carry-on in the bar.

I bolted out of my seat, "excuse me, so sorry, I left my bag in the bar, excuse me, I need to get my bag..." Halfway to the front, I remembered I put it in the overhead bunk. Shit.

Everyone was staring at me since I made such a big deal out of retrieving my "lost" luggage. I turned to make my way back to my seat and fucking face-planted in the aisle. Straight down, lying in the aise by everyone's feet. Oh my God.

There was a collective gasp on the plane. I could hear all the murmers, "Is she having a seizure?", "Did she trip?", and "What the hell is she doing?"

As I crawled back to my seat, I'm certain my sisters pissed their pants laughing.

So I drank more to relieve my intense embarassment. This lead to an FAA warning.

An FAA warning means this: "If you don't get your fucking act together, we're landing this plane and kicking your ass off it."

Despite the serious warning, we still had fun. Apparently my sisters and I made some friends on the plane because a week later I received an email with pictures. On the plane.

My fingers were displayed in the "rocker" sign and I had my tongue hanging out like I was at a KISS concert. The passengers in the background did not appear to be enjoying the entertainment.

We landed safe and sound. Barely. My hangover was a small price to pay for being allowed to finish out the flight I started. Thank God for tolerant people.

1 comment:

  1. I am so sorry you had a hard time (reminds me of my first flying trip).....but I truly had to laugh WITH you encounter!! I love how you put it so matter-of-fact and truthful!! Its WONDERFUL to meet someone else who is just as "forward" as I am!!! We find humor in sarcasm and that is how I try to live my whole life (sometimes its a hit and miss LOL). Thank you for being YOU and not some "politically correct anal retentive" asshole........

    Lots Of Respect,
    Dana S. Pullar~Skime