I think people muster up a little too much courage driving their cars. Maybe it's because they're contained in their own special little suit of armor. But the flipping off, nodding heads, shaking fists, and leaving notes on windshields is overkill.
I drove my husband's truck for a week. Big manly truck. I couldn't park the fucking thing to save my life. It was like driving a motorhome. Anyway, I semi-parked at Target to grab the usual: toilet paper, birthday cards, and hairspray.
I got back to the monster truck to find a note under the windshield that read: "Nice park job. Maybe next time you could leave a can opener so I could get into my car. ASSHOLE."
I love that they thought I was a man. And I have to wonder, do they wait and watch to see my reaction? I don't think I'd have the guts.
There are a few other things that annoy me more than unruly driving behavior: bumper stickers, personalized license plates, and beanie babies in the back window.
Are those stuffed animals for my entertainment? Because I'm already a DJ and referee while I drive. I don't need more distractions. So if those stuffed kittens are for me, the person driving behind you, feel free to welcome them back into your home. Line them up on your mantle or something. I can't take it anymore.
The personalized license plates. Good God. My husband and I play this game all the time. I'll get a text from him at least once a week with a stupid plate. "Moms Toy", "2cool", "Irock", "You Wish". I wish? No sir, I don't wish to be driving your car, especially with that plate.
Here's an interesting thing my friend pointed out. Why the kleenex in the back window? If you sneeze, there is no way you're reaching that box. Why not the glove compartment?
Or is it there for backseat liasons? And if that's the case, why aren't the used condoms strewn across your back window? Now that actually would be entertaning. I could count how many times you got lucky this week. It beats counting slugbugs.
Or maybe we could just express ourselves with...oh, I don't know...ourselves. Say what you want to say. Be who you want to be. Two-way communication is good, instead of holding the drivers behind you hostage with your perspective.
If you love kittens, tell me you love kittens. Don't carry stuffed ones around with you.
If you think you rock, then tell me why you rock. I may or may not agree with you, but at least we could debate the topic instead of you announcing it to me via license plate.
And if you are having sex in the backseat of your car, please don't tell me about it. I may be carpooling with you someday.