Wednesday, July 29, 2009

Circles Of Motherhood.

I was at McDonalds yesterday and met a young mother. Before I saw her infant, I knew she had an infant.

It looked like nighttime punched her the face, creating those dark circles under her eyes. Her thong was crawling up out of her sweatpants and her hair was was barely in a ponytail from the previous night.

She was beautiful.

We've all been there. But when I visited this place of chaotic Toddlerinfantville, the competition was less.

These days, it seems you need to enter a club before associating with other moms. The ticket includes organic food, breastfeeding, sleek strollers, and wooden toys.

If you don't have all of them, you're judged, criticized and outcasted before you can say, "My nipples kill."

C'mon ladies, play nice. There's no need for a verbal throwdown if someone allows their child to play with a plastic toy.

My new McDonalds friend summed it up by saying, "I was prepared for motherhood to be hard. And it is. But what's harder, is the judgement from other mothers. That part isn't in the books."

What is this phonomenon? Why are new mothers shredding instead of supporting? Are we all so fucking insecure that we need to rip someone a new asshole to make ourselves feel like we're doing it right?

That can't be the answer.

I'm going out on a limb here, but I think new moms should try a new route for a while. Give others permission to make their own choices and be the person they need to be. Lighten up for crissakes and enjoy paving your road.

Let others make shitty mistakes. Your job is to be there when they learn from them. Because we all make shitty choices along the road. No one is exempt from mistakes.

And we shouldn't be. It's how we learn and grow. It's expected and needed.

How else will we become wise old grandmothers with rollers in our hair?

4 comments:

  1. Well said, as usual.
    It's amazing how the SuperMoms come out of the woodwork when you enter the club! After a few years, you realize that the overacting on their part and the petty comments really come from insecurities about their own parenting skills.

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  2. I just recently found your blog and I love it. Sorry I've been lurking for a while but I couldn't not comment to this. I have a 9 month old and I totally agree with the McDonalds mom and you! The judgment from other moms is unreal. Just like all kids are different so are all moms. We have to decide what works for our family and that is it! The worst is when it comes from your family. My SIL is the worst at this. Becase we're not raising our son the way she raised here then we are just stupid and ruining his life! It's rediculous. Sorry this is a hot topic for me right now lol. Keep up the good work!

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  3. Thanks Stacey!
    Glad you found the blog! When my kids were little, my script became this:
    "You know what? My kids laugh every day. We must be doing something right. And I do a pretty good job beating myself up, so I don't need more. What I DO need is a support net. I'm hoping you can be a part of that."

    Feel free to use it!

    You are so right that you get to decide what works for your family. Everyone has a right to their own authority and guidance. Every mother needs support, not criticism. Sheesh!

    Take and be well. Sounds like you're establishing firm foundation that suits you perfectly. And that's all that matters.

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  4. Kirsten,

    You're so right about the SuperMoms. If we could all just admit that we're feeling a little vulnerable instead of pretending we have our shit together, the world would be a happy place. : 0 )

    I prefer honestly over perfection any day.

    Take care!

    Kelly

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