I was running errands with my daughters, ages nine and seven, this week. I gave them gum to keep them preoccupied so they wouldn’t realize we had three more stops to make before going home. I looked in the rearview mirror ten minutes later to see them not chewing gum. I asked, “Did you swallow your gum?”
The both looked at each other in a conspiracy, like, “Should we tell her?”
I started getting alarmed. Was it in their hair? Did they throw it out the window at the police car next to us at the red light? Was it smeared on the back of my seat? Were they choking on it? Where did the fucking gum go??
“Well, we put in the “secret garbage".
Apparently, the secret garbage is the little area on the car doors where you put maps, change, and apparently half-eaten doughnuts, suckers, crackers, jolly ranchers, gushers, and chewed gum. I’m not sure if I’m grateful they weren’t actually eating all the sugar I’d been giving them or if I was disturbed that I would now have to scrape and pick all that carp out of the plastic holders.
And to think I was scolding Paige for putting princess sticks her on her window. Which, by the way, took about four hours and a razor blade to get them all off.
But hey, I’m not the only one with kids that have secret storage places. My friend recently moved her son’s bed to the other side of the room to change it up a bit and was horrified to see that he had a “Booger Wall”. That’s right. His wall was filled with chunky, green crust and boogers. She was horrified. Of all the vacuuming, dusting, and washing of the floors, it never occurred to her to scrub the walls free of boogers and snot. How many times do we say, "Get a kleenex?" Never once have I heard a mother say, "Just wipe it on the wall."
I'm happy to report that my kids’ bedroom walls are clean. But since I'm an obsessive compulsive freak, I still searched everywhere: Under the bathroom counter, bedsheets, the tops of their dressers. Any area that would allow a booger to stick.
But alas, everything was clean. Thank God. Except, of course, my car. I may need to get that razor blade out again to scrape off all the bubblelicious.