Friday, December 18, 2009

ADHD or Holiday Chaos?

The other day I was overwhelmed with what needed to be done, so instead of doing anything, I retreated to the basement and drew on the bare brick walls. As I stood back admiring my artistic chalkwork, it occurred to me that it may be evidence of ADD or ADHD.

So I ran up to the office and googled an ADHD test. Or was is an ADD test? I didn't take the time to decipher between the two. I answered the first six questions with a vehement, "HELL YES!" and then got bored and did laundry.

Let it be known there were thirty fucking questions for an ADD/ADHD test. Am I the only one seeing the irony in that? Thirty?

There should be question-stoppers such as, "You are currently on question #5. If you're bailing now, you have severe ADHD." If a person makes it to question #10 perhaps the test could show some encouragement. "If you make it this far, congratulations! You are mildly ADHD."

If they make it to the end, the test-taker should win a trip to Mexico or something. Thirty questions should be rewarded, especially if it's for someone with possible ADHD. "Congratulations! Good news is you won a trip to Mexico! The bad news is, you're sweating, shaking, and smoking a cigarette which indicates you are definitely ADD/ADHD."

I've concluded that I have a handle on my shit 355 days of the year, but the holiday season tends to fast track my thinking. I call it "holiday static". All the channels in my head are running at the same time.

Because indeed, everything is happening at the same time. Gifts, parties, gatherings, potlucks, hostess gifts, Christmas programs, Fed Ex...it's all for the holiday, which requires all the channels to be ON in order to bring the chaos to order.

Thank God January is a time for hibernation, recooperation, and rejuvenation and whatever other "tion" word you care to incorporate there.

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