Look, we have two daughters, so video games are new to us. We obviously can't handle this category of play because we're ready to rip each other's heads off. I almost threw my Wii remote across the room during a tantrum screaming, "Paige! JUMP. NOW! Who's Mario and why aren't you waiting for the rest of us? Who's Luigi? Stop PUSHING me into the fiery depths of lava! Oh, this game is the WORST! Okay, let's go again."
I'm sure I'd appear more intelligent if I was an ape scratching my ass on a rock.
I took a deep breath, collected my sanity and said, "I'm more evolved than this. I'm choosing to remove myself from this infuriating situation."
The definition of addiction is, being abnormally tolerant to and dependent on something that is psychologically or physically habit-forming. So it's official. All four of our family members are addicted to the Mario Brothers video game.
As I type this blog, my daughters are screaming at each other downstairs. "GOOOOOOO!!! Why aren't you jumping!!?! Stop pushing me!" Truly, this is a loophole whereby they have persmission to kick each other's asses and kill each other without going to jail.
This video game is tearing our family apart. Even my husband is insane. I can't count the times he's yelled, "AHHHH! This game is SO FRUSTRATING!" He almost started crying. One night, he claimed that no one was going to bed until we beat Bowser and he didn't care if we had to stay up until 2 am to complete the mission and get to World Eight.
That was Tuesday night. A school night. Luckily, we defeated the stupid fucking cartoon character and went to bed by 9:00 pm.
This game is bringing out the worst in all of us. We're screaming, scolding, and accusing, but we can't stop. Because when we do beat that stupid Bowser, we literally jump up with joy and hug as if we won the World Cup.
Defition of insanity: doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results.
I better saving up piles of money to pay for our children's therapy sessions. They're going to need it.
Off to head downstairs to serve up some consequences for treating each other with disrespect. This is what it will sound like: "Paige, you'll be sitting out the next game because you purposely pushed your sister into the lava and killed her. And you yelled at her while doing it. I will not tolerate such blatent disrepect. You guys are acting like apes. Unevolved apes."
Deep breath. Deep breath. Deep breath. Maybe I'll leave out the part about acting like apes. I can't blame them. After all, sadly, they learned it from their parents.