Monday, February 15, 2010

Stop The Ride.

I seem to have issues on amusement park rides. Yesterday we went to a little place called Mall Of America. It has an indoor amusement park so what the hell, why not. It's freezing and we deserve to go on a ride in February just like the rest of the world, dammit.

My daughter and I were on "The Collider." Sounds menacing, but it's not. Inside the little car it clearly stated, "If you raise your hand, we will stop the ride for you."

There it is. A stupid rule I'm forced to obey.

I don't love rules. Especially a bullshit rule like that. Everyone raises their hands on rides, waving to their parents or giving the peace sign to the little people below. There's something about soaring 25 feet above everyone else that makes me feel superior and entitled to my own rules. Besides, I didn't think the sixteen year old running the ride gave a rat's ass about anything other than nursing his hangover.

Wrong.

I was pretending ride a bull, raising and lowering my left arm while Parker kept saying, "Mom, they're going to stop the ride. Put your arm down." I said, "Oh c'mon, there is no way..."

"MAY I HAVE YOUR ATTENTION PLEASE. YOUR RIDE IS NOT OVER. WE ARE TEMPORARILY STOPPING THE RIDE AND WILL RE-START AFTER ALLOWING A GUEST OFF."

I was getting kicked off the fucking "Collider" at Mall of America. I looked over to my daughter who said, "Seriously. You just had to do the bull." I scrambled out of the cart as fast as I could and reached my husband who asked, "What happened? Why was the ride cut short?"

Let's just move, let's get out of here, it's no big deal...

Parker said, "Mom had to pretend she was riding a bull, so the guy thought she wanted to get off. Nice."

All the parents were staring at me now. What kind of parent causes so much ruckus on a ride for seven year olds? Me, apparently. I meant no harm, honestly. I just don't like people telling me what I can and cannot do. It has the opposite effect on me, creating a desire so fierce, I can't help but test the boundaries.

In this case, the boundaries were not negotiable. And maybe, come to think of it, I should obey the rules and show my kids that they are made for our safety and comfort, instead of testing each and every one of them.

As much as it pains me, I think I'll swallow my need to overthrow the Big Man Who Makes Rules and relax and enjoy the ride. I know my daughter would definitely appreciate the ride lasting a lot longer than 1.2 minutes.

1 comment:

  1. Hilarious! I can picture it perfectly. Maybe a little mortifying at the end, but what a great family story to tell over and over. Well worth the price of admission.

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