Saturday, February 27, 2010

Wardrobe Criticism.

I came downstairs today and the reaction from my daughters, ages 9 and 7, threw me for a loop.

What are you wearing?

Why are you wearing that?

Your boobs are hanging out.

It's just so much SKIN...


I looked down to make sure I didn't accidentally put on my dominatrix role-playing outfit. Nope, just a harmless v-neck t-shirt. And actually, since the original one I put on was too low, I put another t-shirt underneath the first one. I'm covered for crissake. No sign of bra straps or nipples. Not a glimpse of an areola.

I said, "What? I'm wearing two shirts. What is the deal?"

They said, "Well, other men might see you."

What the fuck? Other men might see me? I looked around to confirm that indeed, we didn't uproot our family and move to the Middle East during the night. All clear. Still in Minnesota.

This is a bit of a shock because my favorite wardrobe is a button down shirt and jeans. Always has been, always will be. It's simply who I am. And I button it up to the second button, barely exposing my throat. So I guess this is the reason for the wardrobe criticism coming from the kitchen table.

One of them even tried hiking the shirt up a bit while hugging me. My choice of clothing was a serious offense to my children. They didn't come right out and say it, but I think they were concerned I'd throw on some boots and do some street-walkin'.

I said, "Guys, you do realize I'm still a woman. I didn't become a wooden plank with legs after birthing both of you. I actually have a body underneath my button down shirts. You understand that, right?"

They weren't buying it. To them, I was becoming a pole dancer right in front of their eyes. You have to understand, this reaction would not have been more intense if I came downstairs in a bikini with fishnets and stilettos, smoking a cigarette.

I'm not sure what to make of this other than my kids like me the way I am. They don't want me to be a model or posh dresser. They just want their mom. In her button down shirts. Conservative as hell. But that's truly who I am anyway. I just thought I'd make use of a t-shirt I haven't worn in five years.

Forgive me, my daughters, for trying to take a shot at being a little more sexy. For wanting to shed my button down shirt and/or fleece jacket (zipped to the neck). I'm almost 40 and need to remember that I actually do still have a body and every once in a while, I choose a garment that is a little out of my comfort zone just to see if I can make it work. I won't do it again for another five years.

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