Thursday, March 4, 2010

Dog With No Manners.

I think it might be a good idea to have someone invent the Invisible Fence for inside of a home. That warning beep on their neck would be helpful around my cabinets, chairs, underwear, and shoes.

And of course all of my daughter's stuffed animals he massacres on a daily basis. If he gets a hold of her American Girl doll, he's toast. Not because Paige cares, she doesn't give a shit about Chrissa, but I spent a ridiculous $100 on that fucking doll. That's another blog.

Anyway, I'm home all day writing a book. You'd think that would be enough for a dog that I give him random head scratchies and kisses throughout the day, but not Rocket. One day I was too busy for him and he turned into a pouting 13 year old boyfriend whose girlfriend has better things to do than make out under the bleachers.

I came downstairs to find mayhem. A chair ripped apart, a spit-soaked glove, a stuffed animal brutally murdered and toilet paper strewn all over the house. He toilet papered my home. And there was no remorse. He was sitting there like the King of Shit challenging me. Oh, you want to throw it down, momma? I'll turn you into that shredded toilet paper over there.

I kicked him and his badass attitude outside.

But here's what kills me. Since he doesn't have opposable thumbs he can't help pick it up. That's bullshit. Someone should develop tiny gloves with prosthetic thumbs for these little fuckers. We all know that if you make the mess you help clean it up. Yet, mysteriously dogs are exempt from that rule due to a missing thumb. And possibly a brain.

And here's the part where it gets really stupid. After everything was clean, I let him in and hugged him. What can I say? He's my little meatloaf with legs.

p.s.
Spring is coming which means the dog is outside more. Which means if you don't have an Invisible Fence, you risk losing your dog or having him/her run into the streets. Cars and dogs don't mix. If you're considering a dog fence, you may want to save a crapload of money and DIY. Click here for more information: Dog Fences. Enjoy!

3 comments:

  1. Love it! The thing with Chowder and the garbage that made me the most mad was that she can't help pick it up! Even Kimmy knows that rule!

    So whenever you get the dog thumb glove developed, let me know, we could use a few around here.

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  2. I will DEFINITELY let you know if and when someone invents those tiny gloves with thumbs. SO IMPORTANT!!!

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  3. How about when they take a shit on the carpet and you are looking down at this little defensless thing...who just had to take a shit and no one would let them out...and so anyways, you yell at them and look up at you like "what? what did I do?" i don't understand why you are yelling at me and they are sad, but then the get the case of amnesia and grab a toy and says "hey, do ya wanna play? wag-wag Do ya? Kari the big one

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