Wednesday, May 12, 2010

How Bad Did I Screw Them Up?

My friend Molly and I had Happy Hour a few weeks ago. As we drained the last of our Summit Pale Ale's she said, "Have you ever realized that everyone you dated in high school has never been married?"

Wait, what? What did she just say? Is that even possible?

I ordered another round of beers to numb this epiphany. I said, "What about Jon? The one I went to Homecoming with in '88, surely he's marrie..."


"What about Pat? I think he WAS married, maybe he's just divorced."

"No, never married. He is dating a married woman though, if you want to count that." What did she just say? An ex-boyfriend of mine is dating a married woman? What on earth did I teach these boys-now-men about love and relationships that would encourage this type of fucked-up behavior?!

I drained my beer in about four gulps. "No c'mon, this has nothing to do with me." But I can't deny the fact that every person I dated in high school is still single. Not one has even attempted marriage. Not one. Pat, Troy, David, Brad, John, Jon, Erik..."

This is my make-out list. Was I a shitty kisser? Is that how this happened? Why are they all still single? We're fucking FORTY and half of them aren't even in a steady relationship (or a healthy one in the matter of the one dating a married woman).

I have no idea what to make of this, but I can't deny the oddness of it all. Everyone I dated in high school is single. Was I that traumatic, dramatic, high maintenance, and controlling? Jesus. I don't know if I can handle the answer to that.

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