Friday, August 6, 2010

Redbox Etiquette.

A couple weeks ago I went to the local Redbox to rent a movie. There was an unusually long line due to a couple not able to make a decision on which movie to rent. It was frustrating, but apparently to the 20-something executive waiting in line, it was unbearable.

She crossed her arms and tapped her toe like a mother waiting for her child to confess a crime. With each passing minute, she sprinkled some verbal abuse under her long exhale. "Aaaaaaaahhh, fucking unbelievable." We all heard it even though it was coated in a fiery breath.

The indecisive couple hung their heads in shame and moved to the side. I imagined their conversation in a hushed whisper: You can't even make a fucking decision between movies, how am I supposed to believe you're going to decide on a ring and propose marriage someday? I want to break up. You failed to even make a Friday night date work, I can't imagine how you'll mess up the rest of our lives.

As the movie-failed couple argued on the sidelines, two more people successfully returned and rented movies. It was my turn. As I started to step up, the sassy bitch in heels standing two people behind me said, "All I need to do is return one. It will take two seconds. Where is the etiquette here? The people returning should be allowed to go first."

I didn't realize there was an established Redbox etiquette. Excuse the hell out of me. Please and thank you.

I held my arm out and said, "Be my guest."

She jammed her movie in and stomped out. Click, click, click her heels went on the floor, grating on all our nerves. As the door quietly closed we heard her yell, "FUCKING RIDICULOUS!"

She had the right words, she just didn't apply them correctly. Where was the etiquette from her? And yes, she was being a ridiculous, pouty, immature asshole. I'm surprised the entire line didn't attack her and throw her out on her ass. I know I wanted to.

We all breathed a sigh of relief as the door closed. The couple on the sidelines stopped arguing and stepped to the back of the line. I looked at another woman and smiled. Peace at last.

And then the movie was rejected and returned unsuccessfully.

We all laughed. I tried returning it one more time because I wanted to make good on my infantile reaction. Still rejected.

I set it on top of the garbage, hoping she will be charged a dollar a day for the rest of her life for holding us hostage to her acidic personality.

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